User:Kelduum Revaan/Four Bittervets Sketch

Any claims that this may be performed live by CSM members during FanFest 2013 are false. Probably.

FIRST BITTERVET: Aye, very passable, that, very passable bit of arkanor.

SECOND BITTERVET: Nothing like a good Orca boosted Hulk, eh, Josiah?

THIRD BITTERVET: You're right there, Obadiah.

FOURTH BITTERVET: Who'd have thought six year ago we'd all be sittin' here mining in Hulks, eh?

FIRST BITTERVET : In them days we was glad to have the price of a Hulk.

SECOND BITTERVET : A Tech 1 Fit Hulk.

FOURTH BITTERVET : Without cargo expanders.

THIRD BITTERVET : Or Hulk.

FIRST BITTERVET : In a losec belt, an' all.

FOURTH BITTERVET : Oh, we never had a Hulk. We used to have to mine with a second hand bantam.

SECOND BITTERVET : The best we could manage was civilian lasers on a Ibis.

THIRD BITTERVET : But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.

FIRST BITTERVET : Because we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, "ISK doesn't buy you happiness, son".

FOURTH BITTERVET : Aye, 'e was right.

FIRST BITTERVET : Aye, 'e was.

FOURTH BITTERVET : I was happier then and I had nothin'. We used to live in this tiny old Outpost with great big bubbles outside the undock.

SECOND BITTERVET : Outpost! You were lucky to live in a outpost! We used to live in one POS, all twenty-six of us, no CHA, 'alf the roles were missing, and we were all 'uddled together at the tower for fear of being bumped.

THIRD BITTERVET : Eh, you were lucky to have a POS! We used to have to live in an unfit Itty 5!

FIRST BITTERVET : Oh, we used to dream of livin' in a Itty 5! Would ha' been a palace to us. We used to live in a GSC in an asteroid belt. We got woke up every morning by having a load of veldspar dumped all over us! Outpost? Huh.

FOURTH BITTERVET : Well, when I say 'outpost' it was only a large collidable object in a deadspace pocket, but it was a outpost to us.

SECOND BITTERVET : We were evicted from our 'deadspace pocket; we 'ad to go and live in a COSMOS site.

THIRD BITTERVET : You were lucky to have a COSMOS site! There were a hundred and fifty of us living in t' jetcan in t' middle o' Jita undock.

FIRST BITTERVET : Unnamed?

THIRD BITTERVET : Aye.

FIRST BITTERVET : You were lucky. We lived for three months in a piece of veldspar in Amarr. We used to have to get up at six in the morning, change our skill training, eat some protein delicacies, go to work down t' belt, fourteen hours a day, week-in week-out, for 1 ISK a week, and when we would get home to find that someone had mined it.

SECOND BITTERVET : Luxury. We used to have to get out of the COSMOS site at six o'clock in the morning, slowboat 15 kilometers to the gate, eat a handful of 'ot trit, work twenty hour day at belt for 1 ISK a month, come home, and our CEO would smartbomb our drones, if we were lucky!

THIRD BITTERVET : Well, of course, we had it tough. We used to 'ave to get up out of t'jetcan at twelve o'clock at night and individually set corp roles for 300 people. We had two bits of cold trit, worked twenty-three hours a day at belt for 1 ISK every four years, and when we got home our CEO would destroy our ship with a civilian blaster.

FOURTH BITTERVET : Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night half an hour before I went to bed, copy 600 bookmarks, 5 at a time, work twenty-nine hours a day down belt, and pay t'belt rats for permission to mine, and when we got home, our CEO would kill us and dance about on our corpses, trolling us in local.

FIRST BITTERVET : And you try and tell the young people of today that ..... they won't believe you.

ALL: They won't!